Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
