Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
