Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My feet surprised me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
