The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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