OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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