And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
