Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
