i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
