babies were throwing up all over the place
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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