I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
