I wish life had little blips of pornography
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
