just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
