they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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