so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
