I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
someone threw a dead crab at me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
