I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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