feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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