I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
