btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
