I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
