where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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