note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
