i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
