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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
