Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
