I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
