Don't make out with my wife yet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
