I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
