I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
