i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
