I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
