I think I am morally bankrupt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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