I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
