Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
