I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
