I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
