Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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