it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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