its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
