my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
soo... how was my night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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