Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
