I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
operation harelip BJ is a go
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
