i jhust puked up my retainher.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
