Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
