Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
