he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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