google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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