On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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