I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
