I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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