Pants 0. Shit 1.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
