We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
